I Mow My Lawn While Naked

Dear Abby,

I am writing in order to shed light on an overlooked danger in our modern world. Naked Lawn Mowing.

Mow Naked

Before my reformation, I liked to mow my lawn while naked. I got up really early in the morning and used one of those unpowered push mowers that spins. It's quiet so I wouldn't wake the neighbors. I am not an exhibitionist.

... read on »

Pilot's Morning Program

This is a humorous mockumentary I just found on the Pilot Podcast, from Stephanie Foo, a producer at This American Life. Click here to listen It is pretty much spot-on for send-up of an NPR piece on ... read on »

MT, TX, CA in a Bar

As a Montanan, this is one of my favorite jokes. ... read on »

Shark!

This is one of my favorite mockumentaries (parodying the "edit out the interviewer" style). It was during the making of this, that I found out how many birds are out singing, and how hard-of-hearing I ... read on »

Ramblings Compiled #1

Compiled from my 2000-2002 "Ramblings" blog at goofiness.com. (FYI, you can read 'wife' as 'former wife' if you want)

Anyway, the other day my wife was telling me about a conversation she had on the phone with a client where she works. As she was saying goodbye, she had one of those brain locks that each of us has at some point. During the final stages of a normal phone call, one might say 'Goodbye' or 'Thank You' or 'See you soon'. My wife, who just helped the client with a problem, decided to interject a little variety but couldn't decide whether to say 'You're Welcome' or 'No Problem'. In the less-than-a-second she had to decide this, she had brain-lock and ended up with a concatenation of the two phrases, which unfortunately turned out to be: 'Your Problem'. Funny that it hasn't caught on like 'Goodbye', isn't it?

... read on »

Participatory Ribbons

originally posted on my old goofiness.com website on January 31st 2001:

The ribbons we give our children for participating in competitions should be banned. The only Award for participating should be the Reward of participating, in doing something fun and new. You shouldn't get a ribbon for simply participating in the rope climb or high jump or 100 yard dash.

... read on »

Selfish Smokers

Originally posted on my old goofiness.com website on September 4th, 2001 (updated in 2009 to reflect current prices for cigarettes):

Some smokers are really selfish. I support their right to smoke -- I'd smoke if it weren't so unhealthy; I think it's cool and fun and just what I need now and then -- but they are still selfish. They smoke their whole life, forever defending their right to smoke. They smoke in their car, their home, in front of their kids, friends and family. They'll never quit, either. Oh, they try, but they don't get there. It's just too tough...

... read on »

More Jokes

Here's another joke I produced: I loved this joke when I first heard it. What is it about kid jokes that make them so much fun? They aren't so much just funny, but funny and... something else? Inno ... read on »

Lawyer Jokes

originally posted on my old goofiness.com website My former wife calls lawyers law-yers; most people say "loy-yers" she says "law-yers." She claims she's pronouncing it correctly. At any rate, law ... read on »

Birthday Cakes

I've been learning guitar so I could do spontaneous audio... I tend to overproduce some of the audio, spending a lot of time tweaking. This is okay if you have time, but I don't. I also like the spont ... read on »

You can drive, but you can't hide

Originally posted on Oct 17, 2000 on my old goofiness.com website: So our friends in the automotive industry are going to start putting black-box type data recorders in cars, are they? Guess they ain ... read on »

Musical Jokes

I've been inspired by many different forms of storytelling and music and have a vision of what I think would be interesting on stage and through a car stereo. I don't have much time to pursue them rig ... read on »

First Audio

I've made some audio I don't have, or have on cassettes somewhere (I finally uploaded my old demo. But, this is the first piece I did for my goofiness.com web site (which I sold a few years ago... I k ... read on »

Naked

originally posted on Sep 30, 2001 on my old goofiness.com website. Why would someone say "buck" naked? Or stark naked; or "completely" naked? Does the word naked need modifiers? It doesn't, does it? ... read on »

Unlucky!

originally posted on Jan 31, 2001 on my old goofiness.com website:

My daughter was in soccer a couple of years ago. Megan is a wonderful person. She hardly watches TV, preferring a good book instead. She calls the country radio station every morning to give her opinion on whatever they are talking about. She's cute, smart, likeable and good at a great many things. Soccer isn't one of them.

Her soccer coach, whenever a team member did something poorly, would yell "Unlucky!" If a kick on goal was sent fifteen feet wide of the goal, it was "unlucky shot!" If a poor pass was intercepted it was "unlucky pass!" Somehow, everything they did was up to the Gods of Luck, Soccer Division.

... read on »

Mother's Day Diary

Various NPR stations like to air this on Mother's Day. I think I did it in 2006. It highlights the "jump-cut" editing I like to utilize in some of the straight-to-audio stories I've done. I think it' ... read on »

Are we getting stupider?

I'm not sure "stupider" is even a word, so maybe by me using it, we are. Getting stupider, I mean. Or, risk averse? Lazy? Has THIS ever happened?

This is the mirror... a hand-held that usually sits at the bottom of a drawer.

A simple mirror

... read on »

You like to scroll, don't you?