I am writing in order to shed light on an overlooked danger in our modern world. Naked Lawn Mowing.
Before my reformation, I liked to mow my lawn while naked. I got up really early in the morning and used one of those unpowered push mowers that spins. It's quiet so I wouldn't wake the neighbors. I am not an exhibitionist.
Compiled from my 2000-2002 "Ramblings" blog at goofiness.com. (FYI, you can read 'wife' as 'former wife' if you want)
Anyway, the other day my wife was telling me about a conversation she had on the phone with a client where she works. As she was saying goodbye, she had one of those brain locks that each of us has at some point. During the final stages of a normal phone call, one might say 'Goodbye' or 'Thank You' or 'See you soon'. My wife, who just helped the client with a problem, decided to interject a little variety but couldn't decide whether to say 'You're Welcome' or 'No Problem'. In the less-than-a-second she had to decide this, she had brain-lock and ended up with a concatenation of the two phrases, which unfortunately turned out to be: 'Your Problem'. Funny that it hasn't caught on like 'Goodbye', isn't it?
originally posted on my old goofiness.com website on January 31st 2001:
The ribbons we give our children for participating in competitions should be banned. The only Award for participating should be the Reward of participating, in doing something fun and new. You shouldn't get a ribbon for simply participating in the rope climb or high jump or 100 yard dash.
Originally posted on my old goofiness.com website on September 4th, 2001 (updated in 2009 to reflect current prices for cigarettes):
Some smokers are really selfish. I support their right to smoke -- I'd smoke if it weren't so unhealthy; I think it's cool and fun and just what I need now and then -- but they are still selfish. They smoke their whole life, forever defending their right to smoke. They smoke in their car, their home, in front of their kids, friends and family. They'll never quit, either. Oh, they try, but they don't get there. It's just too tough...
originally posted on Jan 31, 2001 on my old goofiness.com website:
My daughter was in soccer a couple of years ago. Megan is a wonderful person. She hardly watches TV, preferring a good book instead. She calls the country radio station every morning to give her opinion on whatever they are talking about. She's cute, smart, likeable and good at a great many things. Soccer isn't one of them.
Her soccer coach, whenever a team member did something poorly, would yell "Unlucky!" If a kick on goal was sent fifteen feet wide of the goal, it was "unlucky shot!" If a poor pass was intercepted it was "unlucky pass!" Somehow, everything they did was up to the Gods of Luck, Soccer Division.