Skip to content

Stories
Tests

Test: Should You Tell Your Kids the TRUTH About Santa Claus?

Test Results

Thank you for taking our test! However, you did very poorly!

You scored: 43%. That's terrible.

This means you should go into hiding, eat bacon and smoke cigarettes. This way you'll have fun AND die happy (and soon!). Thanks.

Back to Tests

Complete this test so you can find out whether you should tell your kids the truth about Santa Claus (the truth being he’s not as jolly as people say!) You don’t want to lie to your kids, unless it’s really very necessary do you? Do YOU?!? Exactly.

Your favorite Holiday Food or Beverage is:

Eggnog
Tamales
Fruitcake
Spiked Eggnog

Your favorite Christmas carol is:

'I am Santa Claus,' by Bob Rivers
Hark, Harold the Angel Sang
God Rest Ye Gentle Mary
Jingle Hells, by AC/DC

Name the next real holiday, after Christmas is over:

Valentine's Day
Boxing Day
New Year's Day
Next Christmas

How many presents do you usually get for Christmas?

None. Bah, humbug
None. I have no friends or family.
None. Presents are a trap by Big Retail, trying coerce us into spending money, using guilt.
None. I ask everyone to donate to charity instead.

How many presents do you usually give for Christmas?

One
Eleven
at least twenty
One to each person who got one for me last year.

Your favorite Christmas movie is:

A Christmas Story, starring Peter Billingsley
It's a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart
Home Alone, starring Macaulay Culkin
Trading Places, featuring (former) Senator Al Franken

Your favorite holiday activity is:

Getting hammered at the annual holiday party at the office.
Watching your coworkers, especially your boss, get hammered as the office holiday party.
Blackmailing your boss for the photos and video you took of him at the office holiday party.
Seeing your best friend after he bails you out of jail after you were arrested for attempting to blackmail your boss.

You say 'Merry Christmas' instead of 'Happy Holidays' because:

It's Christmas! It's not offensive!
You want to put the Christ back in Christmas, even though they are pronounced differently.
You are in no way politically correct.
You are exhausted by the holidays, and find it offensive to say "Happy Holidays"

Christmas is the celebration marking the birth of Jesus Christ, who was:

Just a dude, maybe a prophet, nothing more.
God coming to earth as man, to live in a man's body and experience the world as a human would.
God coming to earth as man, to live in a man's body and give us lots of junk we don't really want or need, hoping we can fill the void in our lives.
God coming to earth as man to give us junk we don't need as a way to fill the void in our lives, to contrast with how God wanted us to fill the void in our lives.

Your second favorite holiday is:

The Fourth of July
Memorial Day
Thanksgiving
Your own birthday

Post navigation

Previous Disruptions

NextVideo: How to Rob Yourself and Collect The Insurance Money

Mockumentary, 2002-2020, is a part of The Hans://Anderson Corporation.