There Was This Big Fight The Other Night

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Did you hear about this?

There was a fight recently, and we wondered...

Would Macgregor be like this?

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Or like this?

Lots of people heard about it and did this...

As a result, Mayweather needs to do this:

The whole thing reminds me of when I was growing up.

I got in fights, too. And, the kids acted petulantly, then, too.

I've bled my share.

And the kids around me fought.

Most fights were like this:

But we thought they looked like this:


And this

So, when it came to Mayweather v Macgregor

Weren't you just sure it was going to be a snoozefest?

... A way to fleece people out of $99 ...

But wait! Maybe this would happen! ...

... (Rumor has it, Tyson thought this was happening)

You might not suspect this, but I have been in a couple of fights.

My real brother did this to me pretty regularly.

And in fourth grade, my crush's older brother Mitch did this.

When you are in fourth grade, you're an idiot.

You say mean things to your crush because you want attention.

And don't know how to get it without being an idiot.

Also, EFF YOU, Mitch! You were a bully!

Ahem. Well. Sorry about ... that.

Scars, you know.

Anyhoo, where was I. Oh, yeah.

There was a fight.

And somebody won. His name was Gary or George or Floyd or something.

Floyd. Floyd. That's an interesting name. Drop the 'd'. Floy. Drop the 'f': Lloyd.


Ahem, sorry again. Tangents.

Despite my high-achievement at one stage in my life, in Tae Kwon Do, I'm not into combat sports.

And, I didn't even try to watch steal the fight on Facebook Live or Periscope or anything like that.

It was enough to know it was going on; that it existed.

I think it's because when I was a kid, fights were terrifying.

You might think this was because I was scared.

Okay, yeah, I was. I was scared.

But, it's also because when I got mad, I blacked out.

Three different times, people have recounted how I put someone in the hospital, and I don't remember a thing.

First time, I was eight. Then, seventeen.

My felony is from when I was 28.

I legit went through college and those first fun years as an adult petrified that I'd kill someone, but not even know it.

Then I did.

Enough about that. What about that flood in Houston? Sheesh.

Okay, I tried to change the subject. Yeah, I did.

I sometimes am aware of my anger, and it freaks me out. Freaks. Me. Out.

I feel so much like I'd just do stuff. I'm being vague here, for FBI and NSA reasons.

I went to counseling for 14 years, from 14 until 28. Both times I went all Straight-Outta-Compton on those guys, I had to get a new counselor.

They said, "I can't help him."

I don't blame them. They're human, too. Counselors, I mean.

In the end, I helped myself. The NSA said I can't tell you how.

But, that's why I don't watch PPV fights. I know I'd beat all those guys, easily.

But, being rich isn't that important to me.


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