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Test: Tell Your Friends Your Darkest Secrets?

Test Results

Thank you for taking our test! However, you did very poorly!

You scored: 43%. That's terrible.

This means you should go into hiding, eat bacon and smoke cigarettes. This way you'll have fun AND die happy (and soon!). Thanks.

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Take this test to find out if you can reliably tell your closest friends your deepest, darkest secrets. If our carefully designed test approves, you should feel free to be transparent and open, and with it, be free to be yourself and no longer have to hide and lie. If the test does not approve, then yeah, you should keep lying.

October is Halloween! You love Halloween because:

Candy!
You love to scare and be scared.
Dressing up is awesome. For a day you get to act like someone you aren't and have fun.
Every year your costume is "falling down drunk" and you pull it off perfectly.

You bought an iPhone X, which costs over $1000 USD, and ...

It was a rip off, taking it out of the box, I dropped it and shattered the back.
It's a good phone, and my house was getting hot from having to burn all that cash I had laying around.
I figure I could spend $50 on a cheap but workable phone, or get an X and let that village starve.
It was totally worth it, there is an app to find homeless shelters I can stay in.

You think Equifax's new slogan should be:

Equifax: Can't ruin your own credit? We'll do it for you!
Equifax: Good enough that the IRS uses it to protect your data, too!
Equifax: Thought you hated us before? Nope!
Equifax: The best Halloween costume idea since Bernie Madoff!

You think a good example of irony is:

A hair dresser with bad hair.
Roaches infesting the Terminix corporate offices.
A tall man picking something off the ground next to a short man on a ladder.
Someone hanging Christmas lights that read "It's too early to put up Christmas lights!"

You are a guy, you dressed up as a woman for Halloween this year. This:

thought it was a fun costume, everyone loved it.
thought it was a scary costume, because you haven't joined us in the third millennium yet.
upset your trans friends, who didn't realize people considered their normal attire a costume.
was a bad costume, since you were dressed as a woman, none of your guy friends understood you.

Based on his looks, which performance, movie, or show would you believe is Donald Trump's favorite?

Orange is the New Black
Broadway's "Hair"
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Catch-22

Your favorite actor is:

Martin Short, because people all the time tell you, that you look like him.
Jake Gyllenhall, because people all the time tell you, that you look like him.
Scarlett Johansson, because people all the time tell you, that you look like her.
Jane Fonda, because you are as delusional as she is.

Your opinion of the latest mass shooting is:

My opinion doesn't matter, it's a fact that we all need to come together and work together and do something, stat!

You love mobile phones because:

You can ignore phone calls from people anywhere in the world.
You can take pictures and surf the web. Oh yeah, and use it as a phone.
You don't really like dealing with people directly, in person.
Before the mobile phone, you had to hand people un-asked-for Polaroid nudes of you in person.

You hate Black Friday because:

It's clearly a scam where they overcharge you the other 364 days per year.
You are in retail, and it's SO busy and you get really tired.
It means Thanksgiving, your favorite holiday, is over.
It makes you feel like a hypocrit, pushing over old ladies to get cheap crap you don't even want a day after expressing how Thankful you are for everything you have.

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